现代笑话(心脏不好者莫入)
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">好酒</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">英国人、俄国人还有中国人都说自己国家的酒好，口说无凭，于是决定当场比 试一下。 英国人拿出一瓶威士季，倒了一杯放在地上，只见一只耗子跑来，尝了一口便翻倒在地昏睡过去； 俄国人拿出一瓶沃的加，倒了一杯放在地上，只见一只耗子跑来，闻了一下便 翻倒在地昏睡过去； 中国人拿出一瓶二锅头，倒了一杯放在地上，只见一只耗子跑来，闻了一下转身便跑，观者不解，问“这算什么？”，中国人笑答“再看便知”，话音刚落， 只见刚刚那只耗子手持一板儿砖由洞中冲出，直着舌头喊“猫呢？猫呢？我拍死它！”。 <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">神奇的蚂蚁</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">一名男子被判刑<SPAN lang=EN-US>12</SPAN>年，在狱中颇为无聊。 一天，他发现有一只蚂蚁竟然听得懂他的话，於是便开始训练它。几年之後<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>这只蚂蚁不但会倒立，还会翻筋斗，令他颇为得意。 终於他出狱了，第一件事便是跑去酒吧，准备炫耀他那只神奇的蚂蚁。他先向酒保点了一杯啤酒，然後把蚂蚁从口袋里掏出来放在桌上，向酒保说：“ 看看这只蚂蚁……”那酒保过来，马上一把将蚂蚁拍死，然後很抱歉地对他说：“对不起，我马上换一杯新的给你！” <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">饭店</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">一家饭店一向以小气出名<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>一天来了一位顾客<SPAN lang=EN-US>. </SPAN>要了一份汤<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>一会儿侍者送上来一只盘子<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>然后又去照顾其它顾客了<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>客人等了很久<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>仍不见侍者再过来<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>不仅有些恼怒<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>把老板叫过来说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:"</SPAN>你叫我吃这个湿漉漉的盘子吗<SPAN lang=EN-US>?!" </SPAN>老板笑容可掬的说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:"</SPAN>先生<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>那是你的汤啊<SPAN lang=EN-US>!" <o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">结帐</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">一位顾客慢条斯里的在餐厅中用餐，然後他吃水果，抽香烟。 当侍者把帐 单送上时，他摸了摸囗袋，假装惊慌失措的说：「糟糕，我的钱包不见了。」 侍者面无表情的问：「真的吗 ？」於是，他把这个男人带到门囗，大声命令他：「蹲下。」然後用力一脚，把他踢到门外。 这时，坐在另一张桌上的一个顾客，自动的走到门囗，同样的蹲下来，然後回头对侍者说：结帐。」 <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">忏悔</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">某人（到教堂〕：神父，我。。。我有罪。。。 神父：说吧，我的孩子，有 什么事？ 某人：二站时，我藏起了一个被纳粹追捕的犹太人。。。神父：这是好事啊，为什么你觉得有罪呢？ 某人：我把他藏在我家的 地下室里。。。而且。。。而且，我 让他每天交我<SPAN lang=EN-US>1500</SPAN>法郎租金。。。神父：你就为这事忏悔？那 。。。 某人：但是，我。。。我直到现在还没告诉他二战已经结束了！<SPAN lang=EN-US> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">窃听</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">一夫妻下榻水门饭店<SPAN lang=EN-US>. </SPAN>晚间入睡前<SPAN lang=EN-US>, MM</SPAN>忽想起一事<SPAN lang=EN-US>, </SPAN>夫君<SPAN lang=EN-US>: </SPAN>这里是水门饭店耶<SPAN lang=EN-US>, </SPAN>要是房间里 有窃听器<SPAN lang=EN-US>... </SPAN>俺俩的话会被外人听到的<SPAN lang=EN-US>, </SPAN>那多不好意思呀<SPAN lang=EN-US>! </SPAN>先生马上领会精神四 处寻找<SPAN lang=EN-US>, </SPAN>终于在床下找到一按键大小的金属物于是用力拧下扔掉<SPAN lang=EN-US>. </SPAN>次日<SPAN lang=EN-US>, </SPAN>服务生送早餐<SPAN lang=EN-US>. </SPAN>二位昨晚休息的好吗<SPAN lang=EN-US>?</SPAN>很好<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>俺们喜欢这里的一切<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>那就好<SPAN lang=EN-US>, </SPAN>唉<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>你们楼下的那对可真倒霉<SPAN lang=EN-US>, </SPAN>听说昨晚天花板上的吊灯掉了<SPAN lang=EN-US>... <o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">练习</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">某天，雅惠与好友相聚，感叹自己都二十八岁还没有男朋友。好友都说她太「大女人主义」， 劝她要对男性多说赞美的话，才能得人好感。聚会结束後，离去时她们拦了一部计程车， 雅惠 心想不妨先来个练习 ，一上车便说：「司机先生你好帅啊！」<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>只见那司机转过头来严肃地说：「小姐，你们是不是忘了带钱 ？」 <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">没脑子</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">一说话不经过大脑的男人与一位小姐共舞。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>男人：“你结婚了吗？”<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>小姐：“还没有”<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>男人：“那你有孩子了吗？” 小姐大怒，拂袖而去。<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>男人寻思，下次不能再这样问了。<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>后又接着与一妇人跳舞。 男人：“你有孩子了吗？”<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>妇人：“有两个。”<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>男人：“那你结婚了吗？” <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">我正在数呢</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">一对男女在恋爱，一天他们第一次接吻。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>男：“你告诉我，除了我，还有谁这样吻过你，亲爱的？”<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>女的没回答。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>“你说吧！我不会见怪的。”男的说。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>女的嫣然一笑：“我正数呢。” <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">可以等</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">警察问一个即将被绞死的罪犯早餐想吃什么<SPAN lang=EN-US>? <BR> </SPAN>对啦<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>我想起来了<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>我最爱吃桃子<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>罪犯说<SPAN lang=EN-US>.<BR> </SPAN>你知道<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>现在是冬天<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>哪有桃子<SPAN lang=EN-US>!</SPAN>警察说<SPAN lang=EN-US>. <BR> </SPAN>没关系<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>我可以等<SPAN lang=EN-US>. <o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">上帝的帮助</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">一次下了一场非常大的雨<SPAN lang=EN-US>...</SPAN>洪水开始淹没城市<SPAN lang=EN-US>.....</SPAN>一个神父在教堂里祈祷<SPAN lang=EN-US>....</SPAN>眼看洪水已经淹到他的身体了突然一个救生员开著小艇跟神父说：神父！快<SPAN lang=EN-US>!</SPAN>快上来<SPAN lang=EN-US>!</SPAN>不然洪水会把你淹死的！！神父就说：不！！我要守著我的殿堂！！我深信上帝会来救我的！！於是<SPAN lang=EN-US>...</SPAN>救生员就很无奈的离开了<SPAN lang=EN-US>...... </SPAN>过了不久<SPAN lang=EN-US>...</SPAN>洪水已经淹过神父的头了<SPAN lang=EN-US>...</SPAN>神父只好勉强站在桌子上<SPAN lang=EN-US>..</SPAN>这时<SPAN lang=EN-US>...</SPAN>又一个警察开著小艇跟神父说：快！！快！！快上来！！不然洪水会把你淹死神父就说：不！！我要守著我的殿堂！！我深信上帝会来救我的！！於是<SPAN lang=EN-US>...</SPAN>警察也很无奈的离开了<SPAN lang=EN-US>.....</SPAN>又过了一会儿<SPAN lang=EN-US>.....</SPAN>洪水已经把教堂淹没了<SPAN lang=EN-US>.......</SPAN>神父只好抓著十字架<SPAN lang=EN-US>..... </SPAN>这时<SPAN lang=EN-US>..</SPAN>一架直升机缓缓开过来<SPAN lang=EN-US>...</SPAN>丢下绳梯之後服务人员大叫<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>神父！！快！！快！！拉著绳梯爬上来！！不然洪水会把你淹死的！！神父还是意志很坚定的说：不！！我要守著我的殿堂！！我深信上帝会来救我的！！！於是<SPAN lang=EN-US>...</SPAN>直升机也很无奈的离开了<SPAN lang=EN-US>......</SPAN>但是<SPAN lang=EN-US>...</SPAN>洪水还是一直涨<SPAN lang=EN-US>..</SPAN>一直涨<SPAN lang=EN-US>..</SPAN>神父就被淹死了<SPAN lang=EN-US>.... </SPAN>神父上了天堂後<SPAN lang=EN-US>..</SPAN>见了上帝就很生气的问：ㄟ！！ㄟ！！你是怎麽搞的呀！！这样你的子民还会相信你吗？？上帝就说：你到底想怎麽样嘛！！我已经派了两艘小艇一架直升机去救你了！！难道你要航空母舰你才坐呀？？神父<SPAN lang=EN-US>:!@#$%^&amp;*.......................... <o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">左右为难</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">露斯<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>既然你和你的男朋友感情这么好<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>为什么不结婚<SPAN lang=EN-US>?<BR> </SPAN>玛丽<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>唉<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>每当他酒醉我不愿嫁给他<SPAN lang=EN-US>;</SPAN>他清醒了<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>可又不愿娶我。 <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">成就感</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">我对参加田径赛跑到最后一名的好友说：你跑了最后一名真没劲。<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>他告诉我说：怎么能说没劲，你没看到他们<SPAN lang=EN-US>7</SPAN>个人被我追得直跑吗？ <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">法国外交官</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">在某外交官的晚宴上，一位刚到美国的法国外交官有点局促不安，因为每个人都要站起来讲几句话，但是他的英语实在不行。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>先有贵宾说：“我们来敬东半球的女性一杯。”<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>后来又有人敬西半球的女性一杯。<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>轮到那法国外交官讲话时，他站起来说：“各位，让我们为女性的两个半球干杯吧。” <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">下雨</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">越是下雨，我越喜欢。<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>你肯定是个乐观者。<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>不，我是雨伞商。 <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">虚惊</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> ying</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">带了她的孩子去银行取钱，一路上孩子喋喋不休。<SPAN lang=EN-US>ying</SPAN>不想使她的孩子没有教养的举止暴露在大庭广众之下，所以，在进入银行后，她突然对她的孩子叫道：“脸朝墙壁，不准说话！” 一下子，银行里所有的人都面向墙壁，不敢出声。 <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">小提琴</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">某小学生学习小提琴。这天来到班上，打开琴盒，赫然发现里面放着一把冲锋枪！于是大惊失色的说：坏了，我爸爸拿着我的小提琴去银行了<SPAN lang=EN-US>!!! <o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">有备无患</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> 81</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">岁的老父从香港到加拿大去看儿子。他虽年迈，却精力充沛，每天都要出去散步。由于他不会说英语，无法问路，因此他儿子担心他会迷路。有天下午，他散步特别久，回家后，儿子迎上去问他有没有遇到麻烦。老人听过后，含笑回答：“别担心，我有备无患，早抄下了这条街的街名。”说罢，从裤兜里掏出一张纸，神气地拿给儿子看。上面原来写着：“<SPAN lang=EN-US>NOEXIT(</SPAN>此路不通）。” <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">令人费解</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">李四领到工资时发现少了十块钱，便气冲冲地责问出纳员。<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>出纳员说：＂上月多给十块钱，你着急了吗？＂<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>李四说：＂偶然一次错误可以谅解，第二次却不能容忍。＂ <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">议员</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">三位外科医生在个自夸耀自己的医术<SPAN lang=EN-US>. </SPAN>第一位说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>我曾帮一个人接合了手臂<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>现在他成了全国棒球队中最好 的投手之一<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>第二位说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>那算不了什么<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>我帮一个人接合了一条腿<SPAN lang=EN-US>, </SPAN>现在他已是世界长跑选手之一第三位说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>这一切都算不了什么<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>我帮一个傻瓜接合了微笑<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>现在他已是一个国会议员了<SPAN lang=EN-US>. <o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">左右手</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">美国的中央情报局、联邦调查局和洛城警署都对总统说自己是他最好的左右手。因此总统决定考察他们。总统把一只兔子放进森林中，然后让他们去把它抓回来。于是中央情报局花了两个月的时间，在那座森林中布下了天罗地网，他们拷问花草，寻问树木，但什么也没找到，最后得出结论：那座森林中没有兔子。然后联邦调查局来了，他们花了两个星期得时间，包围了整个森林，然后放火烧毁了森林，杀死了所有得动物，包括那只兔子，也不对大家说抱歉，并说：这全怪那只兔子。最后洛城警署到了，他们只用了两个小时就破了案。他们抓来一只浣熊，逼着那只浣熊说：我是兔子，我是兔子<SPAN lang=EN-US>...... <o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">更正</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">一天，某先生在办公室里与一位年轻貌美的女士亲热，正好他的太太来找他，看到此景后嚷道：＂老公，我可是万万没想到呀！＂<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>这位先生一向用字讲究，听罢此言，便立即更正太太的话说：＂亲爱的，你这话不对，应该是你大吃一惊，而我才是万万没想到！＂ <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">定期投放</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">灭鼠工作领导小组在检查验收时，发现某妇产科医院内很少发现鼠迹，于是有意要推广他们的经验。组长：请问，你们是用什么方法灭鼠的？<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>医生：我们在可能有老鼠过往的地方，定期投放避孕药。 <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">周而复始</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">老王在树下休息，老李走过来对他说：“嗨，为什么不去上山砍柴？”<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>老王说：“砍柴干什么？”<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>老李说：“好卖钱啊。卖到钱就可以买驴，再沿家挨户卖柴。挣了钱就再买卡车，然后买木厂卖木器，再买更多的卡车，那样就可以发大财了。”<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>老王问：“发了财干什么？”<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>老李答：“发了财就可以逍遥自在地享清福嘛。”<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>老王说：“那你以为我现在在干什么？” <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">公开诱惑</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">一个教堂门前草坪上立着一块牌子，上面大书：“如果你对罪恶厌倦了，请进来。”下边用红唇膏写着另一行字：“如果不厌倦，请打电话阿曼扎区<SPAN lang=EN-US>XXX</SPAN>号。” <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">鸡骨头</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">甲：对不起，我的鸡没圈好，跑出来弄坏了你种的菜。<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>乙：没关系，我的狗已经把你的鸡吃了。<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>甲：噢！怪不得我从狗的肚子里发现了鸡骨头。<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>乙：．．．．？ <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">辞不达意</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">英军有一个团买了一头驴子作为吉祥物。不幸的是，没有几天驴子就死了。由于团长出差在外，于是副团长便打了个电报给团长：“驴子不幸逝世。再买一头，还是等你回来？” <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">隐患</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">上帝对地球的现状很不满意，便让时光倒流一千万年：地球上又出现了原始的森林、草地、兽类、昆虫<SPAN lang=EN-US>......</SPAN>上帝要离去了时，对所有动物说：“我把这个世界交给你们了，你们还有什么要求吗？”<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>动物们立刻一群群地朝上帝跪下，指着森林边的一群猴子齐声道：“上帝啊！请您把猴子们灭绝吧！” <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">田鸡</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">父亲<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>儿子<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>孙子在一起吃粥<SPAN lang=EN-US>. </SPAN>这田鸡熬的粥<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>真是天下美味<SPAN lang=EN-US>!<BR> </SPAN>儿子边吃边说<SPAN lang=EN-US>, </SPAN>全靠我捉到田鸡<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>父亲说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>这粥贸<SPAN lang=EN-US>?</SPAN>靠我煮得好<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>你看<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>连田鸡骨也煮化了<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>要不<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>味道哪有这样鲜<SPAN lang=EN-US>?<BR> </SPAN>孙子在一旁笑着说<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>刚才我杀田鸡的时候<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>一不小心<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>让田鸡跑脱了<SPAN lang=EN-US>!</SPAN>粥里哪有田鸡<SPAN lang=EN-US>? <o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">招婿</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">国王要选驸马，方法是被选者参加一次比赛，胜者可娶到他的女儿并可获得一笔可观的财富。比赛那天，所有应召的未婚男子被带到一个放满鳄鱼的水池旁。国王先让人把一头狮子放到水池中，不一会儿，狮子被鳄鱼吃得只剩下几块骨头。国王此时高声说道：＂我会把女儿嫁给第一个游过去的人！＂<SPAN lang=EN-US> <BR> </SPAN>突然，＂啪＂的一声，一个青年跳进水池，他以飞快的速度游到了对岸。当他爬上来后，国王非常高兴地走过去，恭贺他说：＂好样的，你一定很想娶我的女儿。＂<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR> </SPAN>＂是的！＂这个脸色苍白但幸运的青年气急败坏地说：＂我现在要知道的是，刚才是哪个混蛋把我推下去的！＂ <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">傻瓜</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">某人去去动物园看猩猩，首先向猩猩敬礼，猩猩便模仿其敬礼，某人又向猩猩作揖，猩猩便也模仿其作揖。某人大喜，又向猩猩扒眼皮，不料猩并未模仿，而是打了他一巴掌。某人生气地质问饲养员，饲养员告诉他，在猩猩的语言里，扒眼皮是骂对方傻瓜的意思，所以猩猩要打他。某人大悟。次日，某人再去动物园以图报复。他向猩猩敬礼，作揖，猩猩都跟着模仿，于是他拿出一根大棒子向自己头上打了一下，然后把棒子交给猩猩。不料猩猩这次又没有模仿，而是向其扒了扒眼皮！ <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">横行</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: left; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=left><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">一只公蟹遇到一只母蟹<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>于是向她求婚<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>母蟹发现<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>公蟹走起路来是直行<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>而不是像一般螃蟹那样横行<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>她觉得这只公蟹很有特点<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>于是立即同他结了婚<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>第二天一早醒来<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>母蟹发现她的新郎同其他螃蟹并无区别<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>也是横行<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>于是生气地问道<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>这是怎么回事<SPAN lang=EN-US>? </SPAN>结婚前你可不是这样走路的<SPAN lang=EN-US><BR></SPAN>亲爱的<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>公蟹答道<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>我可不能天天喝那么多呀<SPAN lang=EN-US>! <o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; LINE-HEIGHT: 13.5pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" align=center><B><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">掌握外语</SPAN></B><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt">一日<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>一只老耗子和一只小耗子在房间里闲逛<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>突然一只猫出现在它们面前<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>于是它们转身就跑<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>猫就追<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>就在它们山穷水尽无处可逃时<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>跑在后面的小耗子回过头冲着猫大叫两声<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>汪<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>汪<SPAN lang=EN-US>. </SPAN>猫被这两声吓跑了<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>老耗子拍着小耗子的肩膀夸道<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>行啊<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>还会狗叫<SPAN lang=EN-US>.</SPAN>小耗子擦着汗说道<SPAN lang=EN-US>:</SPAN>掌握一门外语是多么重要啊<SPAN lang=EN-US>!</SPAN></SPAN></P> 原文由 畅游大海 发表: <FONT face=华文行楷 color=#cc33cc size=7>经典！</FONT> <FONT face=华文行楷 color=#cc33cc size=7>经典！</FONT> <P>原文由 畅游大海 发表: <FONT face=华文行楷 color=#cc33cc size=7>经典！</FONT> [/quote</P><P><FONT size=7>加油！</FONT></P> <P><FONT face=隶书 color=#0000ff size=5><STRONG>康儿一露面就让人捧腹大笑 。你也太实在了一口气发了31个笑话，是不是想一次让我们笑个够啊？。</STRONG></FONT></P><P><FONT face=华文行楷 color=#f70909 size=7><STRONG>欢迎你的到来！</STRONG></FONT></P> <FONT face=方正舒体 color=#f70938 size=6>做的好！下次继续！！可笑煞俺了</FONT> 哈哈！笑个不完！ 原文由 魔鬼鱼 发表: <FONT face=方正舒体 color=#f70938 size=6>做的好！下次继续！！可笑煞俺了</FONT> 原文由 大海的女儿 发表: <br><P><FONT face=隶书 color=#0000ff size=5><STRONG>康儿一露面就让人捧腹大笑 。你也太实在了一口气发了31个笑话，是不是想一次让我们笑个够啊？。</STRONG></FONT></P><P><FONT face=华文行楷 color=#f70909 size=7><STRONG>欢迎你的到来！</STRONG></FONT></P> <P><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><FONT size=3>一名男子被判刑<SPAN lang=EN-US>12</SPAN>年，在狱中颇为无聊。 一天，他发现有一只蚂蚁竟然听得懂他的话，於是便开始训练它。几年之後<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>这只蚂蚁不但会倒立，还会翻筋斗，令他颇为得意。 终於他出狱了，第一件事便是跑去酒吧，准备炫耀他那只神奇的蚂蚁。他先向酒保点了一杯啤酒，然後把蚂蚁从口袋里掏出来放在桌上，向酒保说：“ 看看这只蚂蚁……”那酒保过来，马上一把将蚂蚁拍死，然後很抱歉地对他说：“对不起，我马上换一杯新的给你！”</FONT> </SPAN></P><P><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 9pt; COLOR: black; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体; mso-font-kerning: 0pt"><FONT size=5>哈哈哈哈.............<SPAN lang=EN-US><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></SPAN></FONT></SPAN></P> <P align=center><FONT size=5><FONT face=宋体>先生<SPAN lang=EN-US>,</SPAN>那是你的汤啊<SPAN lang=EN-US>!"</P><DIV align=center><HR></DIV><P align=center></SPAN></FONT>这汤也忒薄了吧?</FONT></P> 原文由 生活之路 发表: 原文由 辉哥 发表: <BR><P>原文由 畅游大海 发表: <FONT color=#cc33cc face=华文行楷 size=7>经典！</FONT>
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