[分享]笑死人啦
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center><B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 22pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">笑死人啦</SPAN></B><B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 22pt"><?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></SPAN></B></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">1</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、一天蚊子跟螳螂去偷看一女的洗澡，蚊子很自豪的说：看，十年前我在她胸前叮了两口，现在肿的这么大了；螳螂不服气的说，那有什么，我十年前在她两腿间劈了一刀，至今还每个月都在流血……</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">2</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、在医院里，一家喜得贵子，孩子刚生下来就回说话，孩子说：“爷爷。”爷爷啊的一声就死了。孩子又说：“奶奶。”奶奶啊的一声死了。孩子又说：“爸爸。”他爸爸啊的一声，一看自己没死，这个时候，孩子的老叔啊的一声死了。 </SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman"> </SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">3</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、袋鼠和青蛙去嫖鸡，袋鼠三下两下完事，只听隔壁的青蛙整夜一二三嘿！一二三嘿！袋鼠好羡慕，次日，袋鼠说：“哇！</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">~~</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">蛙兄，你好棒哦！。”青蛙说：“操，老子一夜都没跳上床！</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">~~</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">” </SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman"> </SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">4</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、一只大象问骆驼：“你的咪咪怎么长在背上？”骆驼说：“死远点，我不和鸡鸡长在脸上的东西讲话！”蛇在旁边听了大象和骆驼的对话后一阵狂笑。大象扭头对蛇说：“笑屁！你个脸长在鸡鸡上的，没资格！”</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <SPAN lang=EN-US><o:p></o:p></SPAN></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">5</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、有位穷书生发奋读书，就在自己的房门前写下对联以自励，上联是：‘睡草屋闭户演字’，下联是：‘卧脚塌弄笛声腾’，横批：‘甘从天命’。有一天，一个河南人路过此地，见到这副对联就心生好奇，用他的家乡话大声地念了起来：‘谁操我屁股眼子’，‘我叫他弄得生疼’……呦，还有横批！不过这次他给念反了：‘明天重干！’”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">6</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、幼儿园女教师领学生游泳</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">不慎露出一根</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">x</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">毛</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">一学生问老师</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">那是什么啊女教师一狠心将其拔掉</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">说线头！ </SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman"> </SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">7</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、小女孩总是向小男孩炫耀自己的新玩具</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">.</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">小男孩没办法</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">只好脱掉裤子说这个你永远没有</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">!</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">女孩也脱掉裤子说我妈说只要有这个</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">你那玩意儿要多少有多少！</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman"> </SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">8</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、一排妓女在街边等客，一位八旬老妇见到了</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">好奇的问：你们在等什么？妓女没好气的说：等棒棒糖！老妇也就排队加入队伍等糖，结果被</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">pol.ice</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">抓住，</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">pol.ice</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">问老妇：你牙都没了也能干？老妇笑着曰：我可以舔的！！！</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">9</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、司机送领导参加文艺晚会</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">领导进了会场</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">司机被保安拦住</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">司机说我跟领导是一个系统的</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">保安说：鸡</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">x</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">跟蛋也是一个系统的</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">鸡</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">x</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">进去了</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">,</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">蛋能进去吗？</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">10</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、一人到一西班牙餐馆吃饭，看到有人在吃牛鞭，又大又粗，他也想吃，但服务员说，那是斗完牛，刚切下来的，要预定，于是他就预定了明天的。第二天，那人到餐馆，发现今天的牛鞭特别小，他很生气，就问服务员为什么，服务员说：“今天牛把斗牛的弄死了！”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">11</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">算命先生与小姐对白：“你命不好。”“</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">为什么？”“</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">因为你身上带有凶兆。</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">“那我把胸罩脱了行吗？”“</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">不行，你一脱了凶兆，就会出现人生的两个大波。</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">12</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、当父亲去上班时，三岁的儿子突然向母亲告状说：“妈，昨天你不在时，爸爸把女佣带上楼……”母亲就此阻止儿子再说不去。到了晚上开饭时，母亲温和地对儿子说：“小宝贝，你不是有故事要讲给爸爸听吗？现在可以讲了。”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">于是儿子慢慢地叙述：“昨天爸爸把女佣带上楼去，做一件跟爸爸出差时，你和王叔叔做的同一件事……”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">13</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">、一日，某君的老婆生小孩，他急急忙忙跑到医院，等了</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">n</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">个小时，医生出来告诉他，是龙凤胎！他欣喜若狂：我做爸爸了！这时医生满脸愁容地说：男孩子鸡鸡长在脸上，女孩子咪咪怎么长在背上！某君呆在那，还没明白什么原因。医生问：你是不是老不回帖</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">14</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">，日本经典笑话；一对男女的对话：女说：“哥，你太能干啦。”男说：“是，妈也这么说的。”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P> 哈哈!太多了笑话不知回那个好了. 建议分开发到幽默栏,让更多的朋友们欣赏. <FONT size=6>的确逗乐，“分拆上市”效果还会好些。</FONT> <FONT size=6> <EM><FONT color=#cc3333>笑话连篇真是乐死人了！</FONT></EM></FONT> <BR><IMG src="/attachments/Upfiles/2007921164551686.gif"><BR><BR> <P>原文由 翻江鼠 发表: <FONT size=6>的确逗乐，“分拆上市”效果还会好些。</FONT> </P><P><SPAN id=yu482272><FONT face=隶书 color=#f709c7 size=6>还是鼠哥有经验!</FONT><BR></SPAN></P> 一人到一西班牙餐馆吃饭，看到有人在吃牛鞭，又大又粗，他也想吃，但服务员说，那是斗完牛，刚切下来的，要预定，于是他就预定了明天的。第二天，那人到餐馆，发现今天的牛鞭特别小，他很生气，就问服务员为什么，服务员说：“今天牛把斗牛的日本人弄死了。
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