第一头上网的猪 (爆笑)
<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; TEXT-ALIGN: center" align=center><B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 24pt; COLOR: red; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">第一头上网的猪</SPAN></B><B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 24pt; COLOR: red"> (</SPAN></B><B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 24pt; COLOR: red; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">爆笑</SPAN></B><B style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 24pt; COLOR: red">)<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></SPAN></B></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">女儿国国王:“唐僧哥哥,你就从了吧!”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??唐僧:“</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">No</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">!我乃得道高僧,岂能做这种勾当?”(偷咽了一大口口水)</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??女儿国国王:“那你的几个徒弟呢?”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??唐僧:“这个嘛,只要他们愿意,贫僧绝不阻拦。”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??女儿国国王:“好!丞相,去叫唐长老的几个徒弟过来。”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??(几个徒弟来到了大殿)</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??众问:“不知国王和师傅找我们何事?”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??唐僧:“女王想在你们中间找一个如意<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:PersonName w:st="on" ProductID="郎">郎</st1:PersonName>君,不知你们意下如何?”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??孙悟空(抢先跳了出来):“师傅,弟子被压五指山,幸得师傅解救,本该一心一意护送师傅西天取经,但徒儿闹过天宫,骂过如来,就算去了西天,如来肯定要给我穿小鞋,下岗是早晚的事,还不如留在这里……”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??沙僧:“师傅,悟净曾任卷帘大将,怎么说也是个本科毕业,到西天后工作是没问题的。但现在流行下海经商,我在流沙河几年,学会了鱼类养殖,女儿国水资源丰富,我想在子母河搞个养鱼场,帮女儿国早日脱贫,也算是相应国家号召嘛!”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??八戒:“师傅,老猪虽无</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">能,但情愿护送师傅西行。。。但是,每天挑水烧饭,施肥耕田,这么重的活,都要压在这一个个柔弱的肩膀上,师傅,你忍心吗?出家人讲究慈悲为怀,难道是挂在嘴边说的吗?尽管到西天可以成佛,有房子分,但只要能为这些可怜的女人分忧,这又算什么呢?我不入地狱,谁入地狱!!!让我留下吧!</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">?(台下众女官哭成一片)沙僧、孙悟空心想:</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">TNND</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">!这个呆子什么时候变得这么能说。</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??唐僧:“这我倒为难了。这样吧,你们三个各有一次机会,向女王求爱,到底是谁,就看你们的造化了。”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??孙悟空:“我会</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">72</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">变,能驾筋斗云,闹过天宫,斗过如来。身体强健,从不喝汇仁肾宝。你跟着我坐筋斗云,到欧洲,美国旅游不用买机票,连护照都省了!嘿嘿嘿,动心了吧?”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??女儿国国王:“会上网吗?”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??孙悟空:“上网??噢!在盘丝洞的时候倒上过蜘蛛网,老孙两棍就把那网打了个稀烂,哈哈!”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??女儿国国王:“下一个!”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??孙悟空:“我是拳术棍术加散打全国冠军,养马种桃双硕士。。。”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??女儿国国王:“下一个!”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??沙僧心想我虽嘴苯,幸亏前天看了爱情宝典《大话西游》。嘿嘿嘿,来点绝的。于是站在大殿中央,双手张开。。。沙僧唱道:</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">Only you</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">,是我心中所爱!</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">Only you</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">,让我忘记取经!</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">Only you</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">,是我心中至爱!</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">Only you...... <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??女儿国国王:“噢你个头啊!下一个!”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??沙僧:“不要啊!求你了!”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??女儿国国王:“好!再给你次机会,你为什么爱我呢?”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??沙僧(心中暗喜:机会来了,这段经典对白我都背了</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">n</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">遍了):“爱一个人需要理由吗?需要吗?需要吗?需要吗?需要吗?”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??女儿国国:“乱棍打出!”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">?(乱棍之中沙僧隐约听到:这些话我们这两岁小孩都会背!)</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">?(孙悟空看着沙僧被打出去,又瞥了瞥八戒的猪鼻子,心想,这次是非我莫属了?)</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??八戒(慢慢走到大殿中间,满脸沧桑)慢慢念道:“不思量,互联网。明月夜,短松冈。电脑旁,正梳妆。相对无言,唯有键盘忙。可记得,俊猪郎。高举杯,低声唱。论英雄,笑沧桑,相见苦</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">短,唯有情意长。”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??顿时满屋尖叫。女王眼前一亮,正要说话。。。</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??八戒:“到如今,我也不隐瞒了。我就是八戒</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">.com</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">的首席执行官,公司三个月后准备在美国上市。。。”</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??顿时尖叫如雷,有</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">200</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">位美女当场昏倒,其余各位</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">MM</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">掏出纸和笔,冲向八戒。。。女王用</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt">0.01</SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: Times New Roman; mso-hansi-font-family: Times New Roman">秒和八戒拜了天地,直奔洞房。。。然后唐僧等去西天取经。这都是后话。</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> <o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-bidi-font-family: 宋体">??听说后来孙悟空心中妒火难平,化名吴承恩,写了本《西游记》,故意省去这一段,又把猪八戒写的又丑又懒又苯,愚弄世人,其实,猪八戒是我所见过的最有学问,长得最帅的一头猪,也是有史可考的第一头上网的猪。</SPAN><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN><o:p></o:p></SPAN></P><P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-US style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"><o:p> </o:p></SPAN></P> <FONT size=5>当今是猪八戒横行的时代。</FONT> <FONT size=5><FONT color=#ffccff><FONT face=宋体>不思量,互联网。明月夜,短松冈。电脑旁,正梳妆。相对无言,唯有键盘忙。可记得,俊猪郎。高举杯,低声唱。论英雄,笑沧桑,相见苦</FONT><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt"> </SPAN><SPAN style="FONT-SIZE: 14pt; FONT-FAMILY: 宋体; mso-ascii-font-family: " Roman?? New ?Times mso-hansi-font-family: Roman?; Times>短,唯有情意长。</SPAN></FONT></FONT> 哈哈
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